I just realised I haven't been putting photos along with my blog posts recently. Photo-less entries feel so naked and unloved. I've realised that a lot of people get pulled in to an entry whenever there's a photo or a picture.
What can I write about today?
I've been having dreams where I'm hanging out with my best friends from primary school -- the boy best friend (who I'll refer to as J) and the girl best friend (R).
J appeared in my dream last night. It was kind of a bizarre dream involving us taking photos of road signs with graffiti drawings of grizzly bears. There was one bit in the dream where we were our 19 year old selves, the present us. We were visiting our old primary school and realising how small all the furniture and architecture really is. But the moment we stepped into the basketball court, we returned back to our 11-year-old selves. The cries, laughter and chit-chat of children began blanketing the playground once more.
There was my whole year six class playing basketball.
But somehow no matter how much I tried to join in, or how many people I approached, no one would respond to me or notice my presence. It almost felt like one of those juxtaposition scenes from a movie where you'd have one guy walking slowly in sorrow whilst the people around him are frolicking with happiness.
To me, year six was the most awkward and painful year of my life.
I was afraid of losing the friends I grew up with.
I was afraid of losing the friends who I loved and couldn't wait to see everyday.
But everyone was slowly transitioning from being a child to a teenager.
I had a friend who I thought was a close friend who started hating me because he thought I liked the person he like. It's like, "Hello? We're still kids! Why are you thinking of such things?! We've got the rest of our lives to be worrying about that! Let's just enjoy the last few moments we have left!"
What's killing me even more is that he probably still resents me. He added like everyone from primary school on Facebook who I have except for me. Even the people who he openly hated. I know I shouldn't be flustered by this...
Oh far out, I'm crying now. Argh! This music isn't helping. It's making me remember the good times and bad times of primary school. The friends I once loved who I might never be able to sit down and have a nice long conversation ever again.
My mind's not thinking straight at the moment.
My eyes are slowly becoming heavier.
Maybe we'll meet again tonight, in my dreams.